|
|
Rank: Newbie
Groups: Member
Joined: 11/25/2007
Posts: 1
Location: Michigan
|
I am in a relationship with a guy who is a lot older than me, I am 19 he is 30. I know that sounds bad but I thought he was younger and he thought I was older, however i still pursued him even though i knew he was older. I really have strong feelings for him and in general our realtionship is pretty good, but he never wants me to go out with my friends, i know we are in different stages in life, but i still want to be 19. How do i get him to understand that going out with my friends does not mean I'm cheating on him or wanting to break up with him?
|
|
|
|
|
|
Rank: Member
Groups: Member
Joined: 12/10/2007
Posts: 12
|
however you decide to handle this, all i can say is that your friends are an important group of people to you and you should never let that go just for a guy. if he can't understand that, i can only assume he has no friends and that's not a very sociable/open-minded person.. sounds kinda restricting, especially when you're still 19. there's so much more to lifeeee :)
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Member
Joined: 12/11/2007
Posts: 107
Location: Northwoods of Wisconsin - BEAUTIFUL country
|
The age difference is only a temporary hurdle. In 10 years +/- you and he will be pretty close to the same stage in life and love. You have very recently "left the nest" so to speak and it is time for you to spread your wings. Your boyfriend has already done that and is ready to settle down.
My first relationship was with an older man and we got along wonderful, when it was JUST the two of us. He told me often that he felt uncomfortable around my friends. My friends thought he was always way to serious. The fun I had with my friends and the fun I had with my boyfriend were as different as night and day. One was just as important to me as the other. I couldn't bring my two worlds together. I had to make a choice.
Are you ready to give up being a teen so you can be the woman your boyfriend needs? I honestly tried to do this and I lost the close friendships I had. We were still friends but it just was not the same. I became a wife taking care of our home while my friends went out and partied. When we did get together I couldn't share in some of the conversations and then I started becoming uncomfortable. I ended up with only 2 friends that stuck it out. They were the calmer, less wild ones. Years later, I regretted my decision because, honestly? I really wasn't ready to settle down. I just talked myself into it. Had I only waited a couple of years, I think everything would have turned out differently. I am no longer with that man. In the rush, I didn't stop to think about all the things we did not have in common. That came out later in one of many arguments.
I know of many women that were involved with an older man and it worked out great. Those women were ready to settle down. I thought I was.......
happy thoughts.......
peggy m
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Member
Joined: 12/12/2007
Posts: 117
Location: South-East Oklahoma
|
I hate the idea of people outside the same generation getting together. It has to do with certain fundemental things having to do with purpose in life, and that we typically don't hold the same as generations past. That aside, your 19 years old, much, much, much your going to learn (hopfully) in the next 6 years that you need before you settle down yourself. Thats why I think its prety unfair what this guys doing, he is taking away her chance to learn lessons in life because HE KNOWS you are weak to love at that young age, NO FAIR! SO I'm suspensions of his charater, mostly because all the guys I hear talking about this over the age of 28, tend to do it for the controllably that comes with that young age, no offense.
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Member
Joined: 12/13/2007
Posts: 55
Location: Hyde Park, MA
|
I'm one to say that age usually doesn't matter, but reality is that sometimes it does....
You are 19 and just starting to live and experience life. You should not stop doing that... Your boyfriend has lived his life and should not try and take that away from you... Yes, he is going to have insecurities, simply because you are young and he knows that there are other possiblities for you...
If you want both relationships with him and your friends, you need to separate the both... You need to have a serious talk with him about it. Let him know you want the relationship with him and that he needs to trust you, otherwise there is nothing, and if he can't handle it, then it's time for you to move on.. I don't think you should give up your life and settle down yet, until you know exactly what it is you want out of life. Until you experience what it is out there, You are not really going to be sure....
Unless you are ready to give it up....
Good luck!
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Member
Joined: 12/17/2007
Posts: 245
Location: Florida
|
That's just one of the problems you will occur because of such a age difference.You have to talk with him and tell him what you just told us. He has too trust or their is no relationship. Make sure you both have time out together and also take the time to be with your friends. Have him meet your friends, make him part of your life with your friends.Good luck you have a long road ahead of you.best wishes.
Rocky
|
|
Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Member
Joined: 1/10/2008
Posts: 18
Location: Pickering
|
I think you have answered your own question in your question. You want to go out with your friends and be 19. He wants to be 30 and he wants you to be 30. You need to live your own life first before you can fit comfortably into someone elses. Give yourself time to enjoy your young years. He is older and more experienced than you and he should know better than to go out with a 19 year old. I do understand how you could be taken in by an older man but there is no excuse for him. Please don't stop spending time with your friends, it would be a mistake. Be happy!
|
|
|
Guest |
