Rank: Newbie
Groups: Member
Joined: 12/11/2007
Posts: 1
Location: CA
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My girlfriend gets very uncomfortable when we talk about the future and getting married. She puts up these "emotional walls" and doesn't let me in, nor does she let herself get close to me. She is afraid of change and moving forward in our relationship. We have been dating for more than three years now and I want to get closer but she is afraid, and this has almost ended it for us. What can we do to save our relationship and how can we break the "emotional walls?"
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Member
Joined: 12/12/2007
Posts: 117
Location: South-East Oklahoma
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Start with the foundations, trust I know what I'm talking about. Those emotional walls, insecuriteis and fears are based on her entire life history and how she interpets it. So you buddy, get to do some digging to get under the walls. Doesn't mean ANYTHING inperticular it isn't about that, its about you trying to be compassinate and getting to the bottom of why she is who she is. Trust that we are the sum of all our experiences. So you want to know the truth of those walls you need to find when they got built up in the frist place, no bull, it always startes with the parents.... theres a lot of instruction one can give about this, I found mine naturally by comparing my life and the way I feel to others based on the stories they've told,, it took alot of mistakes to get it right. But really the main point would just be the fact that you love her enough to care enough to know her past, that alone could breck down her walls, has worked for me.....
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Member
Joined: 12/11/2007
Posts: 107
Location: Northwoods of Wisconsin - BEAUTIFUL country
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Sometimes it's not so much the fear of you getting in but of her getting out. She may just fear that if you truly got to see her inner self, you are not going to like what you see. So the wall goes up. 'brutal' is right when he says the info is in her past.
happy thoughts.......
peggy m
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Member
Joined: 12/17/2007
Posts: 245
Location: Florida
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Hi
Sometimes something happens in ones life that makes them afraid.You need to try to find out what happened and try you make her realize you love her and you wont hurt her.Walls can be very tuff to break down..You sort of have too find the little holes in the wall and slowly sneak in.Yes 3 years seems like she should of allowed her walls to go down..But you stated she acts this way when ever you bring up getting closer. She sounds like she is afraid if she lets her wall down she is going to get hurt.Talk with her and dont insist on asking her those wuestions she clams up on..Take it slow day by day and if you really love her, give her some space. You also have to let her know how you feel toward her and ask her how she feels toward you.Take it from there.Good Luck.
Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness.
Rocky
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