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Rank: Newbie
Groups: Member
Joined: 11/20/2007
Posts: 1
Location: us
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i was in an abusive relations for almost 3 years and it was one of the worst times in my life. the relationship was absuive both verbally and physically. i think that tthe verbal abuse has had the the most affect on my life b/c it affected my self esteem. when you have low self esteem you belive that evrything you do is wrong and cant ver nbe happy with your life. we went to counseling and this didnt work. for me the only option was to move away and start my life over again. i would suggest to amyone out there that is in an abusive relationship to get out as soon as you can. after all if your partner is willing to put you down all the time they do not truly love you!
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Rank: Newbie
Groups: Member
Joined: 12/8/2007
Posts: 1
Location: us
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i can relate to your siiuation. i was also in an abusive relationship and it was difficult to get out of. the things that helped me the most was surrounding myself with people i trust like my family and friends and they were able to help me through the hard times.
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Member
Joined: 12/12/2007
Posts: 117
Location: South-East Oklahoma
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But the biggest deal you'll have to deal with and "hahas34" hinted at, is that you can't escape your past, you need to come to terms with what happen and what YOU DID TO YOURSELF!!!! If you spend the rest of your life blaming him, you'll miss the biggest lesson you were met to learn, that you got in that relationship because you didn't love yourself to began with, you let him beat you because deep down you felt you deserved it, and you stay'd with him for 3 years becasue you were SURE that was the best you could do for love. So you've got some learning and accepting to do that only people you can trust can help you with, you need that more then a fresh start..... but its a start your right, but you know that this doesn't just come along by mistake, you brought this on yourself, you need to believe that because that gives you power to stop this and open up and trust people later in your life.....
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Rank: Newbie
Groups: Member
Joined: 12/12/2007
Posts: 2
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I understand what you are saying brutal honesty and there is some good stuff in your reply but you gotta be a little less "down your throat" in this case, especially if this person IS dealing with an abusive relationship, it doesnt help to add to it
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Member
Joined: 12/13/2007
Posts: 55
Location: Hyde Park, MA
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I just want to commend you for finally making the move and leaving that situation... Everyone says to just leave, but it is easier said then done....
The way to help you get past it and go on with your future is to forgive yourself and learn to love yourself again... Give yourself credit for leaving. Know that you are a beautiful person inside and out, no matter what anyone says.. Don't continue to give your ex the power... Hold your head up high and start enjoying life the way you should.. Secondly, You need to eventually forgive him. I don't mean get back with him and talk to him.. I mean forgiving yourself and someone that has hurt you, will help you move on... Holding anymosity and anger, just makes you a bitter person and stops you from moving on....
Remeber that God has forgiven all of us for our sins and he continues to do so.. We need to do the same.
You need to take this negative situation you were in and turn it into a positive... All of this just makes you a wiser and stronger person to deal with anything else that might come our way.....
Good Luck and God Bless!
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Member
Joined: 12/11/2007
Posts: 107
Location: Northwoods of Wisconsin - BEAUTIFUL country
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A big hug from me to you! Most people do not understand just how difficult it is to leave someone that you have invested so much time and emotion with. Always the promises that it won't happen again that you truly wanted so desperately to believe. The feelings of failure when you finally do decide to get out and the nagging doubts that haunt with "what if..."
"brutal honesty" is correct on the part that eventually, you will need to take a look inside of yourself to find out how you allowed it to happen for so long. I say this, because you will need to fix that part of you so you won't get into a similiar situation.
For now, until the wounds scab over, I say it is okay to be angry and upset. When you are ready take a look back and put it into honest perspective, counseling is a really good place to start and so are support groups with women who have also been through what you have. There is a term (Post Traumatic Syndrom Disorder), that you may want to investigate. Your past does not have to discolor your future.
happy thoughts.......
peggy m
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Member
Joined: 12/12/2007
Posts: 117
Location: South-East Oklahoma
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Sorry about the "Brutalness" of my reply but it's like peggy m was hinting at, it's going to be a big part of her recovery. I was a bit brutal about it, but thats a little bit my style, it serves it's purpose but I understand you wanting me to take it easy, thats some horrible stuff to go thru. But the most important thing I know I can hope for her, is for her to understand that she has power over this, that it can be avoided, that she holds to key to fixing it. Anything less then that, in my book, means repeating the history, and I'll drive that point home the best I can! But its good to get brought down, sometimes its my ego, and I need a brow-beatting for that....
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Rank: Newbie
Groups: Member
Joined: 12/13/2007
Posts: 2
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brutal and peggy both are completely right, but i just read a few of brutal's posts, they may be in your face, but sometimes that is what you need, especially if people are just to ignorant to make the change or get help or whatever .
It's up to her if she wants to fix it, so do it already!
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Member
Joined: 12/17/2007
Posts: 245
Location: Florida
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You are so right, noone needs to be abused, we all owe ourselves too be happy and if someone is mean then they dont love you, they only love themselves.
Rocky
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Rank: Newbie
Groups: Member
Joined: 6/22/2009
Posts: 2
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In any relationship, boundaries need to be established. Some people need to make stricter boundaries for themselves as with others need to diffuse or relax some of the boundaries. It is an essential part of a healthy relationship.
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