Hi, so this is not gona be your average post and I need as much advice as possible.
I’m a 21-year-old female, college educated, I’m not smart but I’m not stupid.
When I was young I never wanted a boyfriend when all my friends started to get boy crazy what happened? At 15 I had my first real boyfriend a relationship that would last for 3 and a half years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ya its was a beautiful relationship no doubt about it….. it was real love! But my mom always told me that I needed to go off to college and have fun and party ect. I was a good girl…. what can I say when it came time for college “September” would mark 3 years and I was still a virgin.(me being 18 him 19) We went to the same college, I wanted to go and meet people and party where he didn’t like it I was shy and needed help meeting people, he tried to keep me to himself..it only frustrated me more and caused me to rebel… so we started fighting the first time we had sex was makeup sex and we lasted only one semester into college and we broke up.
Now I had a blast at college, loved being single in college..A LOT loved living in residence for 2 years then moving into a house with 4 other girlds…. but exactly a year after this relationship I start a new one.. this one lasting a year and a half… I fell so fast for him and we had a great relationship. But it ended to.
I ended both these relationships because I felt claustrophobic, in both relationships I loved these boys, I cared for them, but pushed them away when they got to close… I feel so bad for the people who say they can’t find a good man.. I’ve had two! But thrown them both away because I got bored with them… sometimes I think maybe I need to get my heart broken to wake up my heart to see what its been doing to hurt such great boys, but I feel like they weren’t ‘it’.
Now I laugh at myself for saying ‘it” because I honor the vow of marriage but I’ve never fantasized about what my marriage would be like.. maybe its because I don’t have a big family. I want to get married but a small one would suffice. I’m not into kids at all and both guys found that really upsetting ….and marriage and a family is what both those boys were interested in… maybe I’m not ready to settle down…and these young boys weirdly were.
To be honest I’m very independed… I’m not beautiful but I’m not ugly…. I can’t seem to have guy friends because they always end up likeing …me my msn is full of guys who constantly hit on me.
Now I’ve just recently met this guy hes much older both previous relationships I had the guy was a year older than me,…. This boy..or man I should say is 28 we didn’t know the age difference till our first date when we got id’ed at the casino. He does not look 28. Now he’s had some bad luck with relationships and I don’t wana add to that again hes another really nice guy. What worries me is hes older probably looking more for a girl to settle down with and that scares the shit outa me. But I really like him.
I graduated from the law clerk program managed to land the perfect job right after school worked it for 8 months and got let go because I couldn’t work up to pace…wasn’t learning fast enough… but there was not a single person with time to teach me and I guess I’m not a self learner…..i tried so hard to improve but it was never good enough… he really liked me and new how much I was trying… so he gave me 9 months paid working to find a new job. I just wasn’t what he was looking for and this really hurt me. Its part of why my second relationship ended I was so stressed out at work trying so hard to improve and then I failed.. and had to face failure for 9 months then unemployment.. then I worked as a bartender at a strip club for a few months to eventually moving back in with the parents because I hated where I worked, feeling degraded etc.. I honestly couldn’t find a job anywhere else not a fast food restaurant not value village…
This boy lives in Michigan I lived in Windsor we have had 3 dates two hes dove the hour and half to Windsor to see me, one I drove to see him. Now that I’ve moved to my parents house add another hour and half on to the drive.
A good thing about this situation is I can take my time with it as it’s a long distance relationship but I need to figure out if something is wrong me. I know what attracts me to this guy its that he’s independed too.. has his own house rents a room to a roommate, he owns two cars ones a corvette, he has a good job ect. Hes solid and grounded and I fell like I’m a screw up right now. If anyone can help me organize this please do.But don’t get me wrong its not just that hes goofy, more masculine than my last boyfriends and he has future goals that are not just about getting married and having a family. I donno I need help.

It sounds to me like it's commitment phobia. I've never been in your shoes like that so I'm not sure how to.. get over it, persay, but you're still young... so just keep getting world experiences and stay out of the dating scene if you're not really into his goal end of marriage.. unless he knows you're really not into the idea of gettin married yet and still wants to continue with you..

your prerogative :)