i really get sick and tired of my boyfriend when he acts really insecure. i hate this. he is always nervous about me breaking up with him and finding another guy. it gets really old trying to assure him that i like him and that i think he is good enough. he needs to get some confidence. i try to make him feel loved but he always ends up coming to me a whining about something. what steps can i take to make sure he is confident in our relationship?

Insecurities are most often the reason most couples do not last. It isn't something you can change. He needs to build his self esteem. You can only encourage him by sticking with positive comments. Yes, it can get old and sometimes even gets worse.... that is why many couples break up.

Try reading up on "self-fulfilling prophesies". It may help you understand what he is doing when he talks the way he does about breaking up.

I have worked with insecure people and I am very blunt and to the point with them. I tell them what I see that is positive about them and I tell them it sounds like they want their prediction to come true. Usually it offends them, however, they do not stay angry for long.

Next time your boyfriend starts talking about you finding somone else, instead of defending yourself, why not throw the ball back and ask him "Why would I do that?"

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happy thoughts.......
peggy m

Hi
Most people have problems overcoming insecurity at some point in their life, and it manifests in different ways. Ongoing insecurity can make many things difficult - socializing, relationships, learning new skills - it simply gets in the way. He needs to build up his self esteem.Building up self esteem will affect all areas of anyone's life - work, social and most importantly, relationship with oneself .Meaning himself.Maybe you can help him do that.Reassure him, compliment him. work with him not against him.Just saying im not going to break -up might not be enough, help him be strong inside. He needs to try to make any situation perfect,but try to learn from it.He has to keep saying in his mine their's nothing wrong, he needs to think postive .He needs to control his mind.Remember most peoples insecurites have no meaning at all, they only exist because you let them exist.Their are books out their he can read on self-esteem and insecurities.They will help him understand his fears.It wouldnt be bad for you too read it also.He has to know where their coming from.There may have been certain occurrences in his life that made him think less of himself.Once hes found the root of the problem, it’s much easier to get a handle on the insecurity, because it was most likely created by one or two isolated instances that have no real importance on his current life. It’s easy to become insecure when someone constantly compare themselves to seemingly strong, flawless people.He has to move, speak, and breathe the way he would when he feel totally confident. Even if he's down, he can change the way he feels instantly by changing the way he moves . It really works.
Good Luck

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Rocky