I Just Want to Be Friends

REALationship.com Expert Christine Fife

When I was in college my best friend was Jimmy. We spent countless hours goofing off, hanging out, and getting into trouble by not attending class when we should have, not doing homework assignments or showing up late to work. As far as I knew, Jimmy was going to be my best friend forever. Until one day when Jimmy decided to tell me he wanted to be more than friends.  

No one likes being on the receiving end of that awkward conversation when someone tells you they just want to be friends, but trust me, it sucks being on the other end as well. Having to tell someone you genuinely like that you aren’t interested in them “that way” is no picnic. Yet society seems to dump on people who are the rejecters as if they’re some how terrible people because they don’t reciprocate romantic feelings with someone.  

The reality is that no one is at fault. Not everyone is going to like everyone else and not everyone is going to have romantic feelings for everyone else. It is just a bummer when one person feels that way and the other person just isn’t feeling the same. Whether you’re on the receiving end or having to be the one to tell someone you just want to be friends, there are a few things you should keep in mind.

1)      Don’t be angry

Just as you probably didn’t mean to hurt anyone, the other person probably didn’t mean to either. Their feelings are their feelings, just as your feelings are yours. If you are the one having to tell someone you just don’t feel that way about them, don’t be mad because they have feelings for you—feel flattered. It is a nice thing when someone thinks highly enough about you to have romantic feelings. And if you’re the one whose feelings aren’t being reciprocated, don’t hate the other person for not feeling the same way. That person isn’t trying to hurt you. Put yourself in their shoes—haven’t you ever had someone like you that you didn’t have feelings for? Come on, maybe the bookworm that sat in the back of your eighth grade science class?

2)      Don’t feel embarrassed

There is nothing to be embarrassed about. Remember, if you’re the one being approached, it isn’t your fault you don’t feel the same way and you should feel flattered. If you’re the one sharing your feelings and realizing that your love interest doesn’t feel the same way, you have the power to save both of you from embarrassment by how you handle the situation. Don’t back down, charge forward and say, “Yeah, I feel this way, even if you don’t. And with as much sadness and hatred in the world, it’s a nice thing that I have the hots for you rather than wishing you were dead. Let’s get pizza!”

3)      Seriously consider being friends

Either you liked them enough to have strong feelings for them or they liked you enough. Either way, that’s not a bad thing. If you can manage it, try to work out a mutual relationship. You obviously have at least one thing in common—you both like one of you! No, but seriously, being friends with someone that doesn’t have the same romantic-type feelings as you do isn’t a bad thing. You never know what kind of friendship will evolve. Maybe you’ll find out they’re a great person to party with but they can’t carry a serious conversation about anything you’re interested in. It doesn’t mean you can’t still have a great time tearing up the dance floor at a mutual friend’s wedding.

4)      Don’t let it turn you off of finding love

Caring about other people is the most important thing in the world. Don’t let one bad experience turn you off of being interested in someone else later on. And on the flip side, don’t avoid making friends because you’re worried they’ll develop feelings for you that you don’t have for them—you could miss out on some fabulous friendships that way.

-By Christine Fife