REALationship.com Expert Rinatta
You know what a red flag is, right? That’s a trait or a behavior in a
person you are newly dating that indicates that not all is right with
his/her ability to have a happy, long-lasting relationship with you.
Many singles ignore red flags in hopes that the problems and issues,
whatever they are, will go away once the relationship grows and the two
people fall in love.
This is partially correct. Issues and red flags do get better in the
initial stages of a relationship. People take better care of themselves and
their lives. They clean their house where there was once a mess. They use
deodorant where once there was none. They get a job or pay the bills on time
or get happier and more productive.
And yet, even if a red flag issue or behavior disappears for a time, it
is bound to reappear at some point down the road, deep into the relationship
and the stress of life. If it’s a red flag for you now, imagine how it will
feel when you wake up one day, long into a relationship, and have this same
issue or problem rear its ugly head.
Ok, so is the answer to only date perfect people who don’t have any "red
flag issues"? No, because there are no perfect people and everyone has
The question is, if all of the red flags remained unchanged, exactly as
they are now, would you choose this person? If the person remained a slob,
or was not generous, or did not give you enough attention, or didn’t work,
or had intimacy problems, would you choose this person?
Choosing a relationship partner is choosing a companion, and hopefully a
good one, with whom you will share love and life. But it is also choosing
which red flag quirks and issues you are willing to live with.
If you choose a person but don’t choose or accept his quirks and issues,
you will have a major problem down the road. The seemingly minor quirk or
issue will eventually drive a wedge between the two of you that may end your
If the love of your life can’t keep a job, or has trouble staying close
emotionally, or mismanages money, or can’t keep promises, or isn’t
interested in physical intimacy, or is a slob, or etc, etc, can you live
with it? Be honest in your answer, because small issues have the potential
of destroying a relationship down the road.
What’s a single person to do? Discover the quirks and issues in the
person you are dating, and then decide whether you can live with what you
This is not always easy to do when first dating someone. In fact, most
people find it impossible to discern a whole lot about a person they are
dating, save for the fact that they either like or dislike the person.
You will want to learn to read people like a pro because, again, if you
get involved with someone and overlook the red flags, your relationship will
be plagued with problems down the road.
Dealing with red flags in the beginning of the relationship and making a
decision about them really reduces problems later in your relationship, so
get to know your dating partner’s red flags as soon as possible.
Note for people already in a relationship:
If you are dating someone whom you want to keep and he or she does have
issues or quirks you know you can’t live with, you do have one other option
to salvage the relationship. You can ask the person to change.
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