5 tips for a great date

REALationship.com Expert Christine Fife

A date can be exciting, fun, adventurous and romantic. It can also be scary, boring, irritating and nerve-racking. Whether it’s your first date with a new guy or girl or you’ve been on hundreds of dates with your significant other, there are a few tips that can make any date great.

1)      The Agenda

My baby brother firmly believes that to impress a woman he is required to lay out a ton of money on fancy food and champagne. Guys, listen up. A great date is less about the restaurant you choose and more about the execution of your date plan. And girls, you don’t have to sit around waiting for your guy to come up with the perfect date agenda—feel free to come up with ideas for a fun time together and invite him.

So what does it mean to execute well on your date agenda. If you’re like most people money is something you have to think about. You don’t need to spend a month’s rent in one evening to impress someone. Whether this is early on in your relationship, you’re just going out as friends or you’re trying to keep the fire alive in a partnership that’s lasted for years consider what your goal is for the date? Do you want to impress someone new? Do you want to show your spouse that you can have fun doing new things? Do you want to tell that someone special that you love them for the first time? Or maybe your just wanting to do something fun with a great friend to get to know them better.

Try to choose activities that will let you accomplish your goal. If you want to talk about your future with your fiancé don’t go to the movies. If you want to show a new love interest that you can be fun and not just a stuffy scientist or accountant, don’t go to a technical lecture. Consider activities that will allow you to hold a conversation if that’s important or that you can let your hair down and howl at the top of your lungs if you need. Oh, don’t forget to consider what activities your date will like. If they can’t stand the sight of blood, then taking them to a boxing match is a dumb idea no matter what your date goal was. 

2)      The Conversation

Regardless of whether you’re planning a candle-lit dinner or you’ll be attending a rock concert, at some point you’ll have to talk to your date. If the gift of gab was not bestowed upon you, take a minute or two before your date to think of a few things you could talk about. Consider things you feel comfortable talking about: recent movies, hobby activities, stories of travels or great feats of accomplishment. You don’t have to be Cyrano de Bergerac to win someone over. What’s most important is that you’re both comfortable talking. Don’t be afraid to ask your date questions about their day, their work or school, they’re interests and hobbies. And feel free to tell them about yourself, too. This isn’t a test, just try and relax and talk about what comes to mind.

3)      Expectations

Many memories are tainted not because the experience itself was all that bad, but because the expectations of the event were unrealistic, thus the actual event didn’t live up to the fantasy. Keep your expectations for your date realistic. Don’t script out in your head exactly how you want the entire date to go or what your date is supposed to say all night long. Try to keep your expectations low-key. It’s better to expect that you’ll simply have a nice time and then be thrilled if the date goes even better than that.

4)      Reality

Have fun with the reality of what happens on your date. Don’t freak out if your date tells you there’s spinach in your teeth. Don’t panic if the restaurant lost your reservations. If the guy in front of you at the concert has gas that could kill cockroaches, laugh. If these kinds of situations arise and very likely something will be amiss at some point on the date, don’t feel embarrassed. If your best friend pointed out the bird poop that just landed on you shoulder, how would you react? If you would jump up shaking in disgust, then that reaction should be ok for your date, too. Remember, your date might one day be your closest confidant and if they can’t handle who you really are then they aren’t right for you.

5)      The Memory

The memory of the date shouldn’t be overlooked. If the date goes well, remember it and make note of the things that were especially pleasant. If you continue to go out with the same person, you might like to recreate the date in the future as a special reminder. If the conversation was especially good, remember the things your date said and try to incorporate the topics or reference what they’ve said on another date—it will show that you actually listened to them. If they happened to say that they love action movies, take them to an action movie next time. If they happened to sing at the top of their lungs at a rock concert, play that music next time you’re in the car together. Keeping the memory alive can be a pleasant reminder for you later on and can improve your future dates.

If the date didn’t go so well, keep track of why. Did you pick the wrong activity? Did you choose the wrong topics to discuss? Did your date overreact when their pasta was spilled on them? If you find yourself on another date with this person, what can you do to make sure these bad experiences don’t happen again.  

-By Christine Fife