Q: Nancy (from anonymous):
If you are feeling love for someone and it feels bad or painful (although
in your heart you know it’s the right thing for yourself for the development
of your being), how do you know you are progressing into the good? How do
you know “work” is getting done?
REALationship.com Expert Team:
Dear Nancy, the answer is two-fold. First of all, how you know work is
getting done is that the situation either becomes more of what you want or
that you are happier and more at peace regardless of the situation.
The second answer is more complicated. On the one hand, we have a culture
of people who want to feel good all the time, and run from pain and hard
emotional work. On the other hand, we have a subset of people who believe
that emotional work and relationships are only valid and worth having if
there is pain. The reality of life is that not all pain is necessary, and
that if you do indeed want to grow in a relationship or in a relational
dimension, you don't necessarily need to be in pain and it does not
necessarily need to be hard all of the time.
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